You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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