Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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