She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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