Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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