i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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