is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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