I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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