Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize