Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
