You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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