He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
