apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
