Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
