I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
