Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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