I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
