you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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