I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
