I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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