Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize