I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
how does that bad decision feel?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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