i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
