I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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