I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
