i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
