My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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