What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
