dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
