I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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