I just threw up on my dentist
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
