Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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