Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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