you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
