Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
