The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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