you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
