Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
