The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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