Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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