Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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