Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just gift wrapped bread.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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