girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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