im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
