dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
