fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
