i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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