just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
