I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
