You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
