Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
