I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
