Already got asked if we're dating
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My liver just broke up with me...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
