somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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