just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
