Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
