Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
