shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
