Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
