i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
