2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
