my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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