I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There are leaves in my underwear?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
