dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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