When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
