Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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