"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
