giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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