2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I look better un-naked...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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