Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
