you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sarcasm needs its own font
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
