hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
