My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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