Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
