I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
