Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
